Is everyone faking happiness? Are we all just papering over our anxiety with positivity. Perhaps that’s the answer, reality is what we believe it to be. I am a writer. I just told you I am so I must be. So what have you published, you ask, erm, this blog. So we need facts. I am a mother. That is a fact. I have a wonky vagina and 2 actual live people to prove it. I must just say, I think I’ve done a pretty good job so far. Considering I’ve had no real previous experience nor an actual mother myself. I did have a partially functioning one for about 3 years but she evolved to her higher self (a phrase used to feign -or create- happiness) and abandoned her cancer riddled body and 3 ugly ducklings to the care of my anxiety-riddled father. Boy, that was a fun childhood. Enough backstory, another indisputable fact of life; No one actually cares about your sad life story. It’s just entertaining for a few minutes, people get bored of using it to excuse your bad behaviour. Don’t look back, except to see how far you’ve come. More happy speak.
I am that odd mom out. I don’t even say mum. I try but my kids even call me mom. So here I am, a mom in a world of mums. I pretend my outsider status is derived from being a South African living in London, but honestly that works better for me because I really don’t fit in with South Africans either.
Be yourself, and if you can’t be yourself, be a unicorn!
Thats the worse bloody advice ever given to a tween girl. By 11 years old most garden variety little girls know exactly what they enjoy and as they are blossoming into womanhood, society prunes them back or declares them weeds and rips them out.Perhaps it would be useful to differentiate between society and community. In his book Sapiens, Yuval Harari believes that humans are social animals and are dependant on being part of a community to survive and ensure happiness. Being part of a community seems to be the primary source of our sense of security and not fitting in possibly the greatest angst! So don’t be yourself, be just like everyone else and you’ll have someone to sit with at lunch. Is that the root of social anxiety? The fear of being alone. Do we intrinsically know that we cannot survive without being part of the pack? So how can we paper over that anxiety and find happiness? We make shit up and convince yourself that it’s real and if you believe it, other people will too. Seriously, charismatic religious leaders and politicians have been doing it for millennia.
So here it is, my first blog. Trying to make sense of it, or just capture some of those butterfly thoughts in a word net. I’d like to find an anecdote to illustrate my musings. So I suppose that my blog goals. In truth I’m only publishing this because I can’t find the frikken save button.